Deliquesce
I’m beginning to smell. I should wash my hair. Maybe after this cigarette. I’m too tired to move but I feel almost good. It’s nice when you end up in places you never thought you’d be. Things just workout.
Like this bathroom, in his house. I never thought I’d be here. My weary legs are stretched out on the white tiles, my back against the cold wall and the tub before me. I know he hates the scent of smoke, especially in closed spaces like these so I crawl towards him, crushing the light against the white of the floor as I move.
I touch my lips to his hand, dangling over the edge. He’s getting colder and I whisper an apology on his skin. Maybe it’s the fluorescent. He’s getting paler. I drag myself over him, burying my face in his neck.
My hair falls forward in clumps. It’s really distracting. I’ll just stay here holding him for a few minutes, and then maybe we can wash up together. I’ve always wanted to do that but I don’t know, he never really got around to joining me for a shower even though he says he wants to. That’s ok though, we’re here now and we’re going to fulfill that.
I like kissing his cheeks. I wipe the little drops of red off his face but it just smears. I should turn the shower on. It’s good, he has hot water. I run my hands where the water touches him too. The reds turn into pinks and my fingers slip under his skin. Places I thought I could never be.
But here I am now, my hair bleeding his blood. I don’t know if I want to be here, sitting on my heels between his thighs and staring at him. But this is where I am now.
I wanted to be with him. That’s all I wanted. I wanted to feel the space between his fingers. Just like this. Just like now.
I wipe my face with a towel but my face keeps getting wet. It’s futile. Everything feels futile. I kiss his forehead, a promise that I won’t be gone long.
I open several cabinets, looking for what I need. I’ve never been here before. But yes, yes I am here now. That’s what matters. We can be together.
The shards of glass and mirror pierce my skin but that’s alright. Pain is only momentary.
Ah. There it is.
I can take my time. I am standing here in his kitchen. I’ve wondered for years what his house looks like. I’ve fantasized about this moment. I wondered what surfaces were available for him to take me on.
The door to his bedroom is still open and I walk back in. The stains are brown now, crusting on the sheets. I walk towards it and inch a bit of fabric over the peeking fingers.
Yes. She was here before I was. Yes it hurt to see her writhing beneath him. But I am here too and I am here now and I will be with him.
I walk back to where he is. I kiss him as I’ve kissed him in corners, in small rooms, in private, in secret.
I love him. It is the only reason why I never left. Why I couldn’t leave. Why I suffered all those years. Why I allowed him to hide me and put me where I never thought I’d be.
The scent is intoxicating in this small room. I let the liquid flow on both of us.
I set the can down. I pick up the matches. I hold him close. As close as I can.
The pain is only momentary. My skin melts onto his. I never thought this would happen. But we’re together now. Things just work out.
Fictionalized Facts 